


Love on my wrist

by NylieKeo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Attempted Murder, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Kidnapping, Post-Hogwarts, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:53:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25820131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NylieKeo/pseuds/NylieKeo
Summary: Draco Malfoy may be her soulmate but that does not mean she must love him. Hermione is turning 21 and she does not care if destiny meddles with her love life. She does not love him and never will.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 30
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any grammatical errors. English is not my native language :p

Hermione woke up and the sun was still down. She casted a Tempo and sighed when she saw it was only 4 a.m. The night has been short. She had trouble sleeping last night. Her anxiety had kicked in when she turned off the lights in her bedroom. The young witch was so tired after a long day at work. At 9 pm she was already dozing off. But when she found herself in bed, she couldn’t stop her mind racing and thinking about what a big day the next day would be. Her heart started beating fast, she couldn’t breathe evenly and her body was trembling. She had tried all the relaxation techniques her healer had taught her after the war when she had to deal with the aftermath of what she had been through. In vain. She was mostly okay now but she still had trouble maintaining her anxiety to an acceptable level. 

Hermione breathed slowly. She hadn’t looked at her arm yet. Today was her birthday and she was supposed to learn the identity of her soulmate. What if she didn’t know him yet ? What if she knew him but found him repulsive ? 

She closed her eyes, trying to calm her anxious heart. Her palms firmly pressed on her lids, she counted up to ten out loud. 

Breathe in  
Breathe out.

She looked at her wrist and her mind went blank. 

No, it couldn’t be. It just couldn’t. How was it even possible ? 

This was worse than what she expected. This was way worse. 

She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The letters took shape in a fancy font. His initials. Her soulmate’s initials. She was suddenly feeling the urge to cry and she could not hold back the tears from coming down her cheeks. She just turned 21 and she knew her soulmate’s identity would be revealed but she never expected them to be…well, him. A few months ago she had hoped it would be Ron but the initials on Ron’s wrist didn’t match hers. She had pretended she didn’t care for a while. She was in love with him but it was doomed from the very beginning and she couldn’t fake it anymore. She had became distant and irascible and knew the resentment she felt towards Ron was not fair to him but she couldn’t help it. The feelings of disappointment and betrayal were not going away. So the break-up was inevitable. 

Now she was 21 and she knew who her soulmate was. And she found herself unable to process this information. 

She took one more look at the initials : D.L.M. Draco Lucius Malfoy. 

The lump in her throat intensified. Merlin, how ? They hated each other. And how come he hadn't told her when her initials appeared on his wrist ? She knew his birthday was way sooner than hers. He used to receive plenty of presents when they were in Hogwarts. And he could have told her a million times as they worked together at the Ministry quite regularly. 

Her heart tightened. What did his silence mean ? Was he so disgusted by her Muggle-born blood that he didn’t want to be involved with her at all ? Did he want to forget and pretend soulmates didn’t exist ? 

What should she do now ? Tell him or stay quiet ? Prepare herself to a miserable life ? She knows from what Ron had told her and what she had read in some books that if soulmates don’t accomplish their destiny they will never experience true love and happiness. But how can she be happy with him? 

He’s supposed to complement her in the most perfect way possible. But they’re so fundamentally different. He’s a git for starters. He’s so full of himself. Always thinks he’s smarter than everyone else. He’s undeniably gorgeous. No one would be blind enough to deny it. But he used to be a bully and the way he treats people shows he’s the same prat he was at school. He may be brilliant. He sure is very good at his job and they work pretty well as a team. And yes, it’s true he’s not the same racist pureblood he used to be. Nonetheless it does not mean he would be the perfect partner for her. 

She sighs and wipes her tears with the back of her hands. 

At least, she’s glad she anticipated and took a day off from work. She knew somehow she needed to be alone for her birthday and the big revelation. Harry and Ron will be bugging her soon enough to know her soulmate’s initials and she won’t be able to avoid them forever. But she’d rather talk to Malfoy first. 

Hermione gets up and makes her way to the kitchen. She pours coffee in a big mug and sits on her sofa. Her life’s a mess. She spent six years in Hogwarts, trying to survive and she overcame challenge after challenge, one year on the run living in constant danger, and now she was a hard-working employee at the department of magical creatures and she felt useless. Long hours after long hours sitting at a desk reviewing files and signing papers and answering the phone. The boredom was almost unbearable. And a few months ago, she was still supposed to be Ron’s soulmate. They had been dating for almost 4 years and they were planning to get married and have children. And now, the initials on her wrist were someone else’s. Her former enemy’s. Her co-worker’s. 

Draco Malfoy, her soulmate. Repeating the words in her head were not helping her understand how they could be compatible. 

The young witch grips her mug as hard as she can, her hands shaking. Her chest feels constricted. Her breath was short and her heart was on the verge of exploding. She was wondering if that was what a panic attack might feel like. She closed her eyes and tried to relax her body when a tapping sound came from behind her. She turned her head and saw a proud Pigwidgeon with a letter on his leg. 

Sighing and whispering a wandless spell, the window opened and the owl came in and sat on her shoulder. With a gentle touch, she thanked him and took the letter. With one look, Hermione recognized Harry’s writing. He must have been at the Burrow with Ginny, who was unsurprisingly his soulmate, and decided to use Ron’s owl. 

« Hermione, 

Happy birthday ! I’ll give your gift to you this weekend when I see you ! You will love it !

So...how’s your wrist ? 

Yours, 

Harry ». 

Hermione rolled her eyes. Subtlety has never been Harry’s forte. 

« Harry, 

Thank you ! I’m sure I will. 

My wrist is fine. Thank you for asking. 

See you on Sunday, 

Yours, 

Hermione. »

When Pigwidgeon was gone, Hermione tried to busy her mind as much as possible. She put on some sweatpants and an old shirt and started cleaning her flat. Located in Muggle London, she bought it right after the war. It was small but cozy and she felt at home. Because of the numerous windows she got plenty of light. The neighborhood was rather calm and there was a park nearby so she can get fresh air when she needed to. She wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

Suddenly, she heard someone knock on the door. 

She did not expect anyone, even on her birthday. Her parents still lived in Australia with the memories of her erased. Ron didn’t talk to her anymore and Ginny was so busy with Quidditch training and planning her own wedding she barely had time at all. 

She froze for a few seconds. It was either Harry or...and her heart tightened in her ribcage. Malfoy wouldn’t dare coming into her flat, would he? 

She waited a moment, expecting the person to go away. But they knocked again. 

Trying to gather all her Gryffindor bravery that seems to have left her, she opened the door.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Hermione heard when she woke up was the regular sound of drops of water falling in a bucket. She moved her head on the side from left to right. It hurt. The young witch groaned when she lifted her head up and tried to move her hands and legs, in vain. She realized she was probably sitting on a chair, tied up, but she couldn’t be sure as she seemed to be blindfolded. She licked her lips, tasting blood. Hers, from the blow her assailant had given her when she opened her front door. She cursed under her breath. Living in Muggle London, she never thought she would need to put on wards. She never imagined she would need protection. But here she was. Tied and blindfolded in the hands of ill-intent people. 

Think. Think harder. She told herself. She couldn’t remember the face of her assailant. She hasn’t had a good look at him. One thing for sure was it was not someone she knew.

But her head was pounding so hard her mind couldn’t focus. She needed to get out of here one way or another. She survived a freaking war she won’t die here. In the distance, she could hear doors opening and closing. A dog barked for a minute. Then she perceiveed the sound of steps coming her way. A key was inserted in the lock. This was weird, she thought. Why using a muggle key when you could perform a spell as simple as Alohomora? 

The door opened. She shivered when a cold breeze reached her. 

« Who are you ? » Hermione asked. « What do you want from me ? » 

Her abductor or her guard didn’t reply. She could hear them move around the place but they didn’t speak nor touch her. 

« Hello ? I know you’re there. Answer me. Who are you ? What do you want ? Money ? Fame ? »  
« Shut up ». A male voice said.  
« I just want to know why I’m here. That’s all. » Hermione used all her remained energy to make her voice steady and confident. « What do you want from me ? » 

No one answered but she knew he was still here. But he stopped moving as if he was thinking about something. 

« Can I have a glass of water ? I’m so thirsty. »

A plastic bottle brushed her lips and she hoped it was water and not some kind of poison. The young witch drank greedily, her throat immediately felt relieved from the draught and the soreness. Then, the bottle disappeared. Something else touched her lips but she couldn’t guess what it was. 

« Eat » her guard said, pushing roughly something into her mouth. 

She took a bite. She let out a breath of relief. Bread. 

After a few minutes, the food vanished as well. And she heard steps fading away and the door closing. She sighed, at least they were keeping her alive. So it meant she might be useful to them.

Hermione waited. Minutes passed, maybe hours. She felt sore being tied up and not being able to move. She wiggled on her chair. How long had she been there ? She needed to go to the bathroom. Her headaches was turning into a migraine. She was thirsty and hungry again. Will her guard come back ? What if he did not ? Will she die of thirst and hunger on this chair ? Will she die a painful death ? How much pain will she feel when she’ll start dying of thirst ? 

How long has it been ? Really ? At least, three or four hours ? She really needed to pee. If he took off the bandage covering her eyes, what will she do ? What wandless spells did she know she coul use with her hands tied ? Will there be anything in the room she could use for defense ? She groaed.. She needed to pee. How long has it been now ? Maybe, he will be back soon. Maybe she could already hear the sound of his footsteps ? 

She read a book a few weeks ago and she saw some spells she could use. But would she have enough energy and magic left to cast them ? 

Is it the door ? She listened. No, it was not. Was he coming ? Was it daytime or night already ? Has she been here all day ? It has been nearly 8 am when she heard the knock on her door. What time was it now ? 

What about her soulmate ? Would Malfoy come to save her ? She shook her head. What a stupid thought! She did not want him to. She wanted someone to help her but she would rather like this person to be Harry or any other Auror for that matter. Even if Malfoy was her soulmate. 

Perhaps, the initials on her wrist were not Malfoy’s. There might be another man with the exact same initials. Yes, that would make more sense. Draco Malfoy was not interested in getting involved with her anyway. He would have told her if she was his soulmate. He would have said something. Anything. So her soulmate must be someone else. Their initials just happened to be D.L.M. 

She needed to pee. Her belly hurt and she felt like her bladder was going tp explode if she did not go to the bathroom anytime soon. How long had she been in here ? 

At some point, exhausted and weakened, Hermione dozed off. She did not know how long she slept but she woke up when she heard the door being unlocked. She immediately smelt urine and she could feel her pants wet and sticky. She must have peed herself when she was asleep. 

Her guard growled at the smell. He moved and the young witch sensed the heat of his body next to her. She breathed and focused on trying to sense his magic but she couldn’t. Was he a muggle ? Or a squib ? His hands took her bandage off. And she opened her eyes to see a dark room, a small window letting the sunlight penetrate. When she looked up, she was face to face with a middle-aged man. His eyes met hers and she shivered. All of his being screamed violence and death. 

« Don’t waste your breath screaming » he said « we’re the only ones around ».   
« I don’t plan on screaming. » Hermione said, trying to calm the panic attack she could feel in her chest. « What am I doing here ? » 

He didn’t answer. Instead, he cut the ropes keeping her legs together. The soreness from being in the same position for hours made it difficult to move. Hermione wouldn’t even trust her legs to stand and walk. She stretched for a long minute, finding little relief. The man stood in front of her, put his arms around her waist and carry her to a mattress he put on the floor. Without any gentleness her body was thrown like a piece of garbage. Pushing on her elbow she was able to sit and be more comfortable to straighten her legs and wriggle her toes. The young witch looked around her, searching for clues of where she might be and her brain tried to come up with spells and hexes but nothing useful came to mind. Looking intensely at her, the man winced. 

« Don’t try anything on me. »  
« So you know about--  
« Of course I know about magic. I come from a family of wizards «   
« You’re a Squib then. I can’t sense your magical signature.» she said, realizing how insensitive she might be. But she did not care about his feelings. She wanted to know why she was here in the first place. They never met. He was a Squib so he probably never went to Hogwarts and even though he did he was way too old to have been there at the same time as she did. 

He growled. 

« There are wards so you can’t run away. »   
« I don’t feel anything. »   
« It’s ancient magic. Undetectable. ».  
« Who put them on ? »   
« I can’t tell you that ». «  
« No, but I know now they have to be from a pureblood wizard. They’re the only ones to care about ancient magic. No one uses it anymore except if you’re from a family of proud wizards wanting to keep old traditions alive. »

He looked at her, impressed. 

« So it is a pureblood wizard. Is it Malfoy ? »

He snorted. 

Hermione tilted her head backwards and met the wall.

« What am I doing here ? Is it because I’m a Muggleborn and some purebloods want to use my life as a bloody sacrifice to their racist gods ? » She was talking non-sense but she needed answers. She was hoping to provoke a reaction but he seemed calm and in control. 

In a few steps, he reached the door and left, locking the door being him. The use of the key made sense now. A squib wouldn’t even be able to use a simple spell like Alohomora. Hermione looked down at her wrist for the umpteenth time. D.L.M. As she ran one finger on the beautiful letters, her heart tightened. Draco Lucius Malfoy. What would happen to him if she died here ? Would he feel anything ? Would he sense her dying even from afar ?

She sighed. 

It was not the right time to think and worry about Malfoy. She needed a plan to get out of here. She needed it quick.


	3. Chapter 3

« I need to talk to Potter » Draco Malfoy said as he entered the Auror’s office. He turned to face Ron Weasley on his right. 

« Weasley, get out. »

The man frowned and his gaze hardened. 

« You cannot order me around. This is my office too. »  
« I need to speak with him alone, it’s urgent and it’s important. And more importantly I don’t want you involved in any way ». Draco responded. 

Harry Potter, who had been silent since the beginning, looked at Malfoy, tilting his head on the side as if he was trying to figure him out. He pondered for a short moment before opening his mouth and asking Ron to leave, an apology in his voice. 

« What’s up, Malfoy ? Why all the dramatic effect of asking Ron to leave with as much gentleness as you’re capable of ? »

Draco sighed. He had no other options. He needed Potter’s help. He was her best friend and he was a freaking good Auror even though Draco would never admit it to his face. Pacing for a minute to calm his nerves. His hands were shaking. Potter glanced briefly at them and his shoulders tensed up as the realization what Malfoy had to say might be very important. 

« I received this owl an hour ago. It’s Granger. She’s in trouble. »

Harry took a look at the parchment Malfoy just gave him, reading rapidly. His face went pale all of a sudden. He wrote something on a blank paper and gave it to his sleepy owl he had to wake up to send the missive. 

Then he stood up and went to the floo. He mumbled an address Draco couldn’t quite hear. 

The blond sighed and said something about freaking impulsive Gryffindor. The wizard took a few minutes to look around. The office was poorly decorated and the desks were both very old and ugly. Parchments lied around. They were everywhere, taking most of the already small space. The floor was furnished with a yellowish carpet that seemed like it hadn’t been cleaned since the first wizarding war. 

Malfoy didn’t not even dare to sit on the armchair Potter had originally pointed at him. The thing was obviously filthy. So he stood awkwardly in the middle of the room until, ten minutes later, Potter was back. His face looked sicker and paler than before. 

« She’s gone. Her door was open and there was dry blood on the floor. » He whispered slowly, his voice unsteady.

« I-I- I don’t understand. Why ? First, why would they send this to you ? And secondly, why her ? I mean- »  
« That’s why, Potter » Malfoy said as he rolled back his left sleeve and showed him his wrist. 

H. J. G. Hermione Jean Granger.

Potter’s eyes widened. That was not possible. Hermione and...Malfoy. The boy who bullied her and called her names was destined to be her soulmate. That was a joke. Destiny had decided to laugh at them and make them miserable for the rest of their lives. There was no other explanation. How a sweet and brilliant and sensitive woman like Hermione could end up with such a snob ? Malfoy was not a bad person per se, more the product of his upbringing but Harry was having a hard time imagining them together. Hermione was everything Malfoy wasn’t : gentle, logical, intelligent, brave and loyal. She was always ready to fight for what was right. While Malfoy was...Well, Malfoy. 

« I believe it was her birthday yesterday, right ? » 

His face was blank and he didn’t answer for a moment. His brain stopped working and his eyes were stuck on the pale wrist in display in front of him. 

« Potter, focus. I know it’s difficult to make your small brain function but I need you to stay calm and think. » Malfoy said at last. 

« uh, what ? » Potter almost shouted, looking lost into space.   
« Was it Granger’s birthday, yesterday ? » 

« Yes ! Yes, it was her birthday and she sent me an owl in the morning around 7 so she was okay at the time. »   
« Did she tell you about the initials ? »   
« No she wouldn’t say anything. She wanted you- her soulmate, whoever that was, to be the first to know. But what I don’t get, Malfoy, is why YOU haven’t said anything. It’s been months since your 21th birthday. You had plenty of time and you didn’t say anything. » 

Malfoy sighed. 

« Well, I was planning to but wasn’t sure how she would welcome the news so I chickened out. »

Typical, Harry thought. A coward. He hadn’t changed at all. 

Harry stared at him and then, shook his head. 

« She’s going to be so mad at you. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes. »  
« First, we have to find her. Then she’ll have the right to be mad. What do you reckon ? » 

His chin pointed out the parchment. Harry nodded. 

« It looks serious. The person is asking you a million Galleons to have Hermione back. We need to start looking at her flat to see if there’s any other clue. If the abductor has written to you it means they know you’re Hermione’s soulmate. So I guess we need a list of people who would need both money and Hermione out of the picture. »

« A lot of people would hate the fact that my soulmate is a Muggleborn. I can think of numerous people in my close circle of friends and family. » 

« Well, we’ll start there and go further if we need to. We’ll find her. » Harry said, determination sparkling in his eyes. “Let’s go.” 

When they arrived at Hermione’s flat, Harry and Draco were mostly silent. Neither of them did know what to say to the other. Harry was still trying to process the fact that Draco was his best friend’s soulmate. And Draco was focusing all his energy on finding Hermione. He wouldn’t forgive himself if anything happened to her. He was planning on talking to her as soon as she would be back to work the next day. The last months were excruciating. Hiding the truth and his feelings that he actually had been nourishing years before her initials were on his wrist. It was heartbreaking. The role he played in the war left him ashamed and unsure of himself. He didn’t know if she was ready to accept this fate or she wouldn’t want anything to do with him. He had to admit he was not ready to be rejected by the brilliant witch. And now she was missing and he felt like it was his fault in some way. If he had told her the truth before they would have been together for her special day. He could have protected her. Instead he let someone kidnap her and harm her. 

“The door’s not been forced open.” Harry said, making Draco startle a little. “Which means she opened it willingly.”   
“She knew her assailant ?” Draco asked.   
“Not necessarily. She does not have any ward protecting her flat so it could be anyone. If they knocked on her door she would have opened it without knowing who they might be.”   
“She...what ?” 

Draco was so lost in his own thoughts he didn’t realize there were no wards. 

“She didn’t put on any ward ?”   
“Nope.”   
“Why?” Draco said.   
“She thought she was safe, with the war over and her flat being in Muggle London. She didn’t think someone would come here to attack her”.  
“This is reckless !” Draco exclaimed, expressing his anger and frustration. 

Harry looked up, surprised by the intensity of his reaction. His eyes observed him like he was trying to figure him out. He seemed to be satisfied with what he saw because he smiled slightly. 

“I know. I tried to tell her but she is…”  
“Stubborn?”  
“Yes. She is stubborn and she’s also a very talented witch. She just reckoned she could defend herself.” 

Draco sighed. She could defend herself. There was no doubt about it. But wards were useful for stopping any unwelcoming visitors. Even those who were harmless. 

“So the door was not forced. But what about the blood ? Do you think she is…” Draco’s throat tightened.   
“Not enough to be life threatening.” Harry said. 

Draco released a sigh of relief at the words. Hermione was still alive, he told himself. He had to find her and let her know how he felt. 

“What now ?”   
“I need that list of the people that would need money or would want Hermione to disappear.”  
“Where to begin ?”   
“Let’s head back to my office and we can narrow it down together. First, I need to perform some spell to see if I can get any more information.”   
“What kind of information ?” Draco asked, curious and surprised by Harry’s professionalism.

He knew Potter was a good Auror, every exploit he did was minutiously narrated in the Prophet. His talent for investigating and catching Drak wizards was known by every single person in the British Wizarding world. Unlike 7 years ago when he fought against Voldemort and was still a teenager and a powerful but unstable wizard. Now, he had the proper training, the right advanced spells and the qualities required to be an excellent Auror. 

“The presence of another magical signature for example could help us identify her attacker or I could trace Hermine’s signature so it can tell us exactly where she had been and where she is now. Just like a dog would detect drugs in the Muggle police. Except I do it with magic.”

Draco frowned and nodded slowly, not quite sure if he understood the thing with Muggles and dogs.


	4. Chapter 4

“Wake up !” yelled a voice. 

A second later, a bucket of cold water woke her up. Hermione jumped and opened her eyes, breathing was difficult and her heart beat fast in her ribcage. She inhaled loudly and shivered. When her eyes roved over the room and finally settled she realised her abductor was not alone anymore. Another person, a woman, stood beside him. 

“Who are you?” asked Hermione.   
“Don’t you recognise me ?” the woman said, a smirk on her angular face. She was tall with blond hair. She couldn’t be much older than her. Her presence filled the room with electricity. Her magical signature was strong, Hermione thought. 

“You’re the Pureblood who put the wards on. I can feel your magic all over the place.” she said.  
“Yes. But what I meant is don’t you recognise me from school?” 

Hermione frowned. She didn’t. Her body was standing straight and rigid in front of Hermione. She was thin and elegant. Everything about her smelled like money and old magic. She could have been gorgeous if her face didn’t bear a constant expression of severity and hardness. The same expression she actually had already seen on the face of her former enemy slash soulmate. 

“You look like a Malfoy actually but I know Draco Malfoy doesn’t have any siblings.” 

The woman smiled slightly.   
“Well, almost.”

Hermione gasped. 

“You’re a Malfoy ?”   
“No. But see, this is kind of the problem.”

Even being the smartest witch of her generation didn’t help Hermione figure this one out. She frowned and tilted her head on the side.

“I don’t understand.”   
“A year ago-” the woman started while pacing the room as if she wanted to add a dramatic effect to the story.   
“A year ago, I was engaged to the richest and the purest and most handsome man of the Wizarding world. We were planning our wedding but his 21th birthday came and the initials on his wrist weren’t mine.”

Oh. 

“Usually, Pureblood families don’t care about soulmates and all this stupid stuff but he is different. He wants love” She shrugged with disgust. “He actually has been in love with you for years before your initials were even tattooed on his body.”

Her face showed a hint of pain but a second later she had a stoic expression back again. Hermione’s heart has stopped beating. What does she mean by ‘years before’ ? 

“You’re Astoria Greengrass !” Hermione exclaimed.  
“Ah so you remember me. Draco would be happy to know you paid attention to his love life.” 

Hermione snorted faintly. She hardly paid attention at all but her coworker had been sad and had barely talked to her for days. When she had questioned him about it, he had told her about their engagement. They never spoke about it again after that conversation. 

Astoria stared at her and took a step forward, her wand in a duel position brushing the young witch’s throat. Magic sparkled in the air and hair on Hermione’s neck rose. 

“Don’t mock me, Mudblood.” 

Her voice shook out of anger. Her face, previously blank, has reddened. 

“Who do you think you are, barging into our lives and turning our world upside down ? You are nothing. You’re not worthy of your magic. You don’t deserve to be a witch. You’re a low life. A bug we step on and flatten.” Astoria said angrily. 

Anger rose from her chest. She was a Gryffindor, for God’s sake and a human being. No one should have the right to treat her like this. 

“I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m not at fault here.” 

Against all odds, the blond witch smiled. 

“Oh I know. It’s actually Draco’s fault. For leaving me and loving you.” She winced with disgust. “How he can find you attractive is beyond me.” She rolled her eyes. “But it’s not the point. You see, the bond between soulmates is a very interesting thing. Having a soulmate means there is this one person in the world who completes you in the most perfect way. There is only one way to break this bond. Once it’s broken, you can finally choose a mate for yourself.”   
“So you hope to break our bond so you can marry him.”  
“Exactly.”   
“How do we do that ? I’d actually be happy to get rid of this soulmate thing” Hermione said, oblivious. 

Astoria stayed silent for a moment. She stared at the witch, sitting on the dirty mattress, her hands still tied up and her hair messy. She smirked while she saw the realisation hitting Hermione, her eyes widening with fear. For the first time since she’s been attacked, the brilliant witch started to understand the danger she was in and the urgency of the situation. 

“You don’t mean to..”   
“Oh I do. This is the only way.”   
“Astoria, listen, there must be another way. I’m smart and you’re brilliant. We could do some research and with the help of books we could find a way to break the bond without…” the lump in her throat intensified, stopping her from speaking further. Panic started to make her whole body tremble and her breath was becoming short and shallow. Sweat was dripping from her forehead. 

“Once you’re gone, Draco will come back to me and the world will make sense again.” Astoria whispered, more for herself than for Hermione. The Pureblood looked lost all of a sudden as if her pain were too strong to bear. The youthfulness of her face seemed more pronounced than ever and her body bowed from the burden of what she had to do to get what she desired.   
“You can’t kill me” Hermione argued. 

Astoria snorted. 

“Of course I can. I mean, it wouldn't be the first time.” 

Hermione’s eyes widened. 

“Oh don’t be so shocked. We both lived through the war. How do you think I survived ?”  
“I didn’t recall you being involved in either side.”   
“Oh I was involved, alright. The wrong side, as your lot loves to remind us.”  
“You were a death eater ?”  
“No, I was too young. But my parents were. And I was in Hogwarts, helping the Carrows to discipline some of your friends.” She smirked.

Hermione felt nauseous all of a sudden, bile coming to her throat. She swallowed quickly. Her friends had been tortured and mistreated by the Carrows and their clan. Neville still trembled at the memory and Ginny would burst into tears every time the war was mentioned. Dean and Seamus would not talk about it but they had scars to prove they’ve been through hell. 

“You bitch” Hermione exclaimed, her anger escalating. Her panic had disappeared and all she could feel was fury and a strong desire to fight. If only she could have her wand and her hands free. She would show the woman a piece of her mind.   
“Now, now. We all did things we regret to survive.”  
“It does not look like you regret anything.”  
“Well, you’re right” She laughed. “Maybe I don’t.” 

Astoria was playing with her wand like she would with a Muggle gun or knife. It was threatening. A loud silence settled between them. How could a person become so evil ? How could a woman like Astoria be so desperate she felt the need to kill someone to have the man she wanted ? The Pureblood had seemingly everything she could ask for : beauty, wealth, power. Why focusing on Malfoy ? She could certainly do better. Hermione almost snorted at the thought. Yes, Astoria could do better. But apparently not Hermione. He was her soulmate. And the idea was still hard to process and she didn’t want to face it. He was the bully of her school years and even though he was no death eater anymore and redeemed himself, her brain just started to shut down every time she thought about him. 

Hermione breathed in slowly pushing such thoughts against the back of her brain. She needed to convince the blonde in front of her to spare her life. It was her only chance. 

“What do you think Malfoy will think when he’ll know you killed his soulmate ?” Hermione said. 

Astoria frowned. 

“He won’t know. When they find your body, he’ll be crushed and I’ll be here to comfort him as the good friend that I am. And he’ll see I am the one for him”.   
“Aurors can find a way to trace the wand that casted the killing curse. Harry uses it all the time.You won’t be able to run away. They will know. Malfoy will know and he will hate you for what you’re about to do.” 

Knowing Malfoy, he will also seek revenge. 

Astoria laughed. Her face relaxed and she looked beautiful. Even Hermione couldn’t turn her eyes away. Her long fingers played with the wand once more. 

“I know that. Do you reckon I haven’t thought about all that ?” she asked. “I know all of that. That’s why it’s not my wand.” The witch took a few steps forward showing more of the wand as she moved. Hermione gasped, shocked and panicked. 

“Oh yes. So you finally recognise it. I had been showing it off for fifteen minutes and I was waiting for you to notice it. You disappoint me, you know. You’re supposed to be brilliant. Draco can’t stop talking about your brain and your wit. But I’m starting to think you’re just a bloody idiot. You didn’t even notice I had your wand the whole time.”

Hermione blushed. Astoria was right, she hadn’t noticed anything. She was so focused on the woman and the panic in her chest she didn’t see it was her wand the Pureblood was playing with. 

“Obviously, the Aurors will know it’s not a suicide but they won’t know who casted the curse.” 

Hermione’s heart jumped in her ribcage. It painfully tightened. Breathing was becoming more and more difficult and her mind was filled with too many emotions. She scowled at the woman standing in front of her. Her eyes were burning with rage. She couldn’t believe she was in this situation. She survived a freaking war, facing death every day and today she will die because her soulmate was Draco fucking Malfoy. She didn’t even love him. She didn’t even arbor any feelings towards him. He was just a coworker and a pain in the butt.

The young witch groaned lowly. Gathering every drop of her Gryffindor courage, she made one last attempt. 

“He will never love you the way he loves me though” she finally said. She knew she probably shouldn’t provoke her but she couldn’t help it. The Pureblood wouldn’t back down and if she died today she wanted to go with style. “Even if I die. He will mourn me, and you know it. He will always think of me in a way he’ll never ever think of you. Every time he will look at you he’ll see me. Every time he will talk to you he will imagine me answering. Every time he will touch you he will imagine my skin against his.” 

A flash of fury crossed Astoria’s eyes. Hermione smirked. 

“You can keep me here or kill me. But it won’t change anything. It won’t make you his new soulmate.You will never be good enough for him.”

The Pureblood winced and her face got distorted by the rush of her emotions she couldn’t contain anymore. She pointed her wand at Hermione’s throat once again. 

“Say your last words, witch.”

Oddly, Hermione smiled. Her time has come. Nobody was going to save her this time. The last thing to do is being as Gryffindorly as possible. 

“I’ve said enough. He will never love you. That thought alone is a comfort to me”. She repeated. 

Astoria took a step back. Her mouth opened, ready to curse Hermione to death.   
“Avad-”  
“Expelliarmus !”   
“Stupefy! ” 

Two voices came from behind Astoria and her right-hand man. In an instant, the blonde had been disarmed and her body laid on the floor. Hermione looked up and with a sigh of relief she saw Harry and Malfoy in the door frame, aiming for the man. He lifted his hands up to surrender and took a step back. With a spell, Harry tied up his feet and hands and rushed by her side. Malfoy cautiously stayed behind. 

As soon as he untied her, she felt nauseated. She threw up half on the mattress she was sitting on and the other half on Harry’s lap. Her sight narrowed and the next thing she remembered is the look of concern on her friend’s face before falling into darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

She blinked multiple times trying to open her eyes but the light was hurting her. She closed them again. Her throat was dry and her stomach felt fragile as if she could vomit again if she moved. Her head was pounding with an intense migraine. She couldn’t figure out where she was. The sound of a machine nearby helped understand she wasn’t in her flat or in her bed. She frowned and groaned. All of a sudden she heard someone moving around her. A moment later a gentle hand held hers. 

“Hermione? Can you hear me ?”a voice said. Another hand stroked her hair. It felt good and comforting and warm. So so warm. Warmer than she had ever experienced before. If she could move she would have leaned into it. This simple gesture was calming her nerves and bringing her a sudden inner peace. Whatever place she was she knew she was safe. 

“Thirsty”, she said. Her throat hurt from the effort. Her own voice sounded hoarse. 

The hand left her hastily. She suddenly felt cold. She heard the sound of a glass being filled with water. And when the hand came back, it wasn’t to hold hers again but to bring the drink to her lips. She swallowed with difficulty but the water felt like a sweet nectar in her dry mouth. The witch sighed, relieved. She tried to move her hand to grab the warm one again but her body wouldn’t obey her mind. Frustrated, she growled. In other circumstances she would have been embarrassed by the sound that came out of her throat but nothing seemed more important to her than getting that hand back. 

Then, a door opened. And steps came near her bed. 

“Is she awake ?” 

Harry. Harry was here. 

“Yes but she’s still a bit dozy. She asked for water.”   
“Oh, good.”  
“I need to leave.” the voice said.  
“Draco…” 

Hermione’s heart beat fastened. So it was him. He was the owner of the hands, stroking her hair and touching her. He was here and she could still feel the warmth on her skin where his hands have been. She could feel warmth within. The witch groaned instinctively because now embarrassment was taking place in her chest. 

She could use more comfort but their past was lying heavily between them and her energy was too low to engage in any conversation they needed to have. 

“See, she doesn’t want me here.”   
“You don’t know that.”   
“I’m pretty sure the first thing she would want to see when she opens her eyes is not my pointy face.”   
“You’re her soulmate”.   
“I’m her school bully, Potter.” He retorted. “I spent years trying to make her miserable. I called her horrendous names. I’m a Death eater and even if we work together and she might respect me as a coworker, she doesn’t like me.” 

Hermione heard Harry sighing with frustration. 

“Can you at least wait outside ? She might ask for you when she wakes up.” Harry finally said.   
“Fine.” 

The door opened. And Hermione felt her body relax and before she could process everything that had happened to her she drifted off into the arms of Morpheus. 

When she finally woke up the young witch was disoriented. She turned her head towards the shape beside her. Harry was sitting on the chair, near the window. His eyes were closed and a ridiculous snore escaped his nose. This sight comforted her. It was familiar. It was home. She looked around and guessed she was in St Mungo’s. The walls were immaculate and there was the heady smell, a mix between sickness and bleach. She cleared her throat making her friend jump. 

“Hermione ! You’re awake ! How are you feeling ? Do you need anything ? Are you thirsty ? Do you need me to fetch a nurse ?” 

She smiled. A rise of affection took place in her chest. Harry was the only constant in her life. Her parents were still in Australia, their memory wiped out years ago during the war. She did everything she could to find a spell capable of reversing the Oblivion curse. But in vain. Ron had deserted her when she needed him the most. After the war she struggled to overcome the trauma, the fear, the memories of the ones who died, the smell of blood, of death and of mutilated flesh. And he hadn’t been there for her. Celebrity had knocked at his door and he had been drunk with the notion of his own importance ever since. Even Harry had kept his distance with his best friend. And Ginny was busy. Hermione didn’t resent her for that. Her career in the Harpies was at its peak and the wedding was coming up soon. And then his mark appeared on Ron’s wrist and it wasn’t hers. 

“I’m okay, Harry. How long have I been out ?” she asked.   
“It’s been two days. The nurses said there was nothing wrong with you. Your body just needed to shut down and process the intense experience.”

Hermione nodded. When her eyes focused back on her friend she could see him observe her as if he was trying to find answers. 

“What ?” she smiled.   
“Draco is waiting to see you. I think he’d like to talk to you.” 

The face of Malfoy was lingering in her mind since she woke up. She had in fact wondered if he’d stayed. One look at her wrist made her wince. The initials were still printed on her skin and the longer she stared the more they seemed to glow. It couldn't be right, could it ? The frown between her brows intensified. How in the hell was she supposed to know how she felt about that ? The feeling of confusion was still very much alive and with everything that has happened she felt trapped by their bond. A soulmate wasn’t what she needed at the moment. She wanted some peace. She wanted to go home and sip a cup of tea. And most of all she wanted to be alone and cry her heart out. It was all too much. 

“Tell him to go home.”  
“Hermione…”  
“Harry. Stop. I don’t want to see him right now. I don’t have the energy to deal with whatever it is we’re supposed to be.”  
“He’s your soulmate.” Isn’t it what he said to Malfoy when she was sleeping ?   
“Well, right now I’d like people to forget I exist.” 

Harry looked pained at her words. 

“I’d like Malfoy to forget I exist” she continued “I’d like to forget he exists so I can live my life in peace.”  
“Come on, Hermione. The bond between two soulmates is great. It’s unbreakable. It’s the only person that will totally understand you and love you for who you are.”  
“Easy for you to say. Your soulmate is Ginny.”  
“Draco is not so bad. He would have moved heaven and earth to find you.”  
“He would have ?“

Harry told her about the days before they found her. How Draco received a note and came to Harry for help. 

“And what about the money ? Why asking for money when Astoria planned to kill me anyway ?”  
“It was actually her brother’s idea. He’s a Squib and well...Purebloods don’t treat Squibs very well and he added the money thing without Astoria knowing it. He wanted to be rewarded for the job.”

Hermione nodded. Neither one of them talked for a while. The young witch was so tired. Her eyes burnt and her headache was worsening. 

“Hermione, please, talk to Draco. It’s important.”  
“Harry...”  
”School was a long time ago and the war...well it was a war. And he was a child trying to protect his family. He did the right thing in the end.”   
“I know all of that, Harry. I was there.” she bitterly said.   
“So why don’t you give him a chance ?” 

Her eyes hardened. 

“I’m tired. I want to go home.” The young witch said as her final words. 

Harry sighed and walked out the door. 

The same afternoon, Harry brought Hermione back to her flat and put heavy protection wards around it. Her friend’s magic signature caressed her own magic. And when he was sure she would be okay he left. The young witch moved towards the bathroom. The regret of not having a bathtub made its way to her mind. She would have plunged her head in the water to escape her reality, to forget the world even existed, to forget existence itself. 

She undressed with unsteady movements, grabbed the knob and turned on the shower. She sat on the floor completely naked under the flow of hot water. Her head leant against the wall, her eyes closed. Her knees were pressed against her chest. She wrapped her arms around them and stared blankly at the ceiling. Time passed. Slowly and fast simultaneously. The noise of water falling on her body and ending its course on the floor tiles seemed deafening and yet calming; The warmth was enveloping her like a coat in winter. She couldn’t stop shivering. Holding her body with a tight embrace was a poor attempt to find some comfort. She felt so cold and most of all she felt empty. Nothing made sense anymore. She breathed deeply as her heart was beating loudly in her ribcage. 

What’s the point of living ? Hermione wondered. She has spent her school years fighting evil risking her life alongside Harry and Ron. It has given her meaning and purpose but it also destroyed her mental health bringing anxiety and post-traumatic stress she still had a hard time keeping under control. Everyone was expecting the brainy Hermione Granger to have a brilliant career and to get married and have beautiful ginger children. They didn’t call her the Golden girl for nothing. The amount of pressure she had to face was insane but since she worked at the Ministry and was not achieving as much as people would have expected her to their mouths have shut. 

She was working long hours for nothing : no recognition and no positive outcome. She was dying of complete boredom in this mindless job. And now she just survived a freaking kidnapping and had almost been murdered because of a soulmate she had no desire to get involved with. So what’s the point of living ? Does she have to be under extreme circumstances to find meaning ? Is life a succession of fights and struggles and suffering ? Is that what life is about? It was not worth it. It was too exhausting and she was not strong enough to get through this. She might have been a great warrior in the second Wizarding war but at 21 years old she has already run out of her strength and bravery. She’s had enough.

The lump in her throat increased and she could barely breathe. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. She was a complete failure and she hated herself for that. She hated her job, her soulmate for being who he is, her life for being so hard. She hated everything about her : her habit of wanting to know it all, her boring personality, the curves of her body and even her massive curly hair. She couldn’t bear to be herself anymore. 

Hermione cried. She mourned her idea of the life she wanted for herself and the person she wished to be. She mourned her idea of a soulmate. She mourned her relationship with Ron. She had dreamt of him being the one. And finally she mourned her job. She thought she was going to accomplish wonders and make the world better. But she was just another pawn in a big machinery. She thought she was special and she could do better than what most have tried before. 

Hermione laughed softly at the thought. She was no special. She was ordinary. She liked going home early and reading a good book, drinking tea and spending time with friends and family. What’s so special about that ? Not. A. Thing. Ginny was the best seeker of her generation. Harry was the best Auror the Wizarding world has seen for ages. Even Ron has made a name for himself working with George. Hermione has done nothing. She has accomplished nothing. 

She was nothing.

Hermione shook her head to get out of the trance she has fallen in. Her hands reached for the soap and she sluggishly started to clean herself. She got up and dried herself with an old towel. She put her pyjamas on and went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. Her legs felt heavy and her thighs seemed made of cotton. She could barely stand or walk; she made a stop halfway. A gigantic fatigue gained control over her whole body and moving was painful. The young witch breathed through her nose trying not to collapse on her kitchen floor. Her hands were shaking so violently she needed to gather all of her strength to grab her wand and make the necessary spells. 

Once the tea was ready, Hermione levitated it while cautiously walking towards her bedroom. The cup of tea landed on her bedside table while she crawled into bed. The shaking hadn't stopped and her body was trembling from head to toe. She was so cold. With a flick of her wand she summoned several additional blankets. And she let herself weep again and fell asleep from exhaustion. 

For a week, Hermione didn’t leave her bed. She got up occasionally to go to the loo and grab something in the fridge. But she didn’t shower. She had no energy to even brush her teeth. She felt weak and the more she tried to convince herself she should do something, anything, her energy seemed to go lower and lower. She was doing small things, like going to the kitchen, and she had to sleep for the rest of the day. She knew she was probably not okay but she couldn’t care less. She just wanted to cease to exist and decreasing her life activities was one way to succeed. 

But she knew it couldn’t stay that way for long. She knew that outside of her flat some people cared about her. She knew at one point they would come to fetch her from her sorrow. And that day came. Harry barged in one morning. The door was locked but he was a freaking Auror so there really was nothing that could stop him from entering. Even if a simple Alohomora wouldn’t work he probably knew all the opening advanced spells. She sighed when she heard him, preparing herself for a fight. 

But Harry took his time. He looked around and assessed the state of the room. There were clothes, litter, two or three cups of cold tea she has made but never drank on the coffee table and dirty dishes in the sink. Hermione could hear him muttering to himself. She knew what he might think : she was letting herself drown and sink. She was another case, another person to save for him. She was a burden to everyone. 

“Hermione…”   
“Don’t, Harry. Don’t say anything.”

The Auror in his crimson robes frowned and stared at her for a long time. He sighed. 

“Alright. Do you want to talk about it ?” he asked. 

She shrugged. 

“No. Not really.”   
“What can I do to help ?”   
“There’s nothing you can do, Harry. I need to rest. I’m tired.”   
“I could do the dishes and clean a bit.” He offered. Hermione looked at him, gratitude in her eyes.   
“Yes, please.” She whispered.

Her chest tightened and tears began to roll on her cheeks. She felt stupid for being emotional over a simple gesture but she had tried to convince herself to tidy and clean her flat for days and she couldn’t even get out of bed. Harry offering to do it for her meant the world. 

“Okay, rest. I’ll do it.”   
“Thank you”. 

She fell asleep within seconds. The sound of Harry cleaning on the other side of the wall was weirdly comforting. She had someone. He cared. He understood she didn’t need a lecture about what she was feeling or what she should do to get better. He understood she just needed his presence.


	6. Chapter 6

When she woke up, Hermione felt cold again. Harry was gone. He said he would check on her in the evening after work. She didn’t know what time it was. Darkness had filled the room and she could only presume it was late. She felt better after he came. She felt a bit more loved and protected. She felt safer. But now she was all alone again and her mind was playing tricks on her. Anxiety made her heart beat so fast she feared it would explode and bleed out. Shadows with wands and death threats were on the walls. She could hear a feminine voice, Astoria’s voice, talking about Draco Malfoy and how her life was so worthless she deserved to die. She deserved to disappear. She didn’t deserve love, even less a magical love bond. 

The sound of her door opening and closing startled her and the panic in her chest bursted; her breath stuck in her ribcage. She knew she was going to die of a heart attack. She swallowed with difficulty and when she spoke her voice was shaking. 

“Harry, you really did not need to come back.” She said but got no answer. 

She grabbed her wand on her bedside and started to point it on the doorframe. Her bedroom door was open and led to the living room. She couldn’t see anyone because of the darkness but someone was here. The steps were getting closer. She prepared herself for combat. Her brain went blank and reacted instinctively. Whoever that was, she wouldn’t let them trap her like last time. She would put on a fight and even if it meant using unforgivable spells she would not hesitate to defend herself. She would never ever let someone hurt her the way Astoria did. Never again. 

The intruder reached the door and when her brain recognised the blond. She sighed and lowered her wand. 

“Malfoy, you scared me !”

He stared at her but said nothing. 

“How did you pass the wards and the protective spells ?”   
“Harry” he said simply like it explained everything. And it did.   
“Of course.” 

They looked at each other for a moment. Hermione felt so self-conscious all of a sudden. She didn’t mind Harry seeing her like this. He was her best friend and they’ve seen the worst of each other. But Malfoy...it was another story. Without thinking she raised her hand like she wanted to fix her hair. But she stopped mid-way and rested her hand on her knee. 

“What do you want, Malfoy ?” she finally asked.   
“What are you doing, Granger ?” 

His voice was steady but a bit hoarse. Was he upset ? It couldn’t be right, could it ? Why would he be upset to see her like this ? At the very least, he should be happy to have the opportunity to mock her. She was a mess. She smelled bad. Her last shower was a week ago and she hadn’t been eating right so she had acne on her face. Her hair was greasy. She was wearing the same pyjamas since that last shower and it had stains of chocolate, ice cream and ketchup. 

“What am I…?” She said angrily. “I’m in my bed, trying to sleep. Normal stuff. What are you doing here, Malfoy ?”   
“You haven’t been back to work and Harry said you aren’t feeling well. And he said you were…”  
“I was what ?” Hermione could feel anger invading her mind and her face was slowly becoming red and hot.   
“Depressed.” 

Depressed. The word seemed big. Too big. 

“I’m not depressed. I’m tired and I’m resting. It’s called self-care.”   
“Have you seen yourself, Granger ? You cannot call it self-care or I don’t know what self-care is.”   
“Fuck off. What I do with my time is none of your business.” 

"It is my business, you're my soulmate. Just because you don't want to acknowledge it and talk about it, it does not change that fact.”  
"Being my soulmate doesn't give you any right to invade my privacy and start giving your opinion on how to live my life."  
"Yes it does."  
"No it doesn't"  
"Fine. Let's talk about our bond then."  
"No."  
"Let's talk about you being prejudiced."  
"That's rich coming from you."  
"I was prejudiced, yes I was a little shite at school. You know I feel sorry for that. I have apologised a million times to everyone. I'm trying to be a better person and at the end of the day isn't it what matters ?"

She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something. But her mind was blank. 

"Let's talk about you not wanting to be with me because of who I am. I’m not even asking you to want me and love me. I'd like a chance to get to know you but you won't let me." Malfoy added. 

Hermione stayed silent. She didn’t know how to respond to that and she couldn’t bring herself to just accept him in her life. Dealing with this bond was asking too much of her. The tears began to well up in her eyes. Her heart was beating fast and the knot in her stomach was growing at an abnormal speed. Bile was in her mouth. The witch shook her head. She just couldn’t deal with all of this. She was slowly going crazy trying to understand everything that happened with her soulmate and Astoria and the death threat and how she felt right now. It was too overwhelming and she just couldn’t be who he expected her to be. 

So she did what she thought was the right thing to do to protect herself. 

"I don't want to talk about us. Close the door and leave." she said.  
"Granger, I'm just trying to have a mature conversation with you."  
"And, I, Malfoy, am trying to make you understand to leave me alone. Forget our bond. Forget my existence."  
"I can't do that."  
"Why ?"

He stared into her eyes with an intensity she didn’t know he could have. The wizard who stood in front of her was making a statement, looking at her as if she meant the world. Hermione looked away, ashamed of being the focus of feelings she couldn’t reciprocate. 

"So what Astoria said is true." she whispered.  
"What did she say ?"  
"You have had a crush on me for years"

He muttered a soft agreement. 

"You know I'm not going to reciprocate any feelings you might have developed towards me".  
"Why not ?"  
"You're Malfoy and I'm Granger. We're too different and certainly not compatible".  
"Our wrists say otherwise."  
"They're wrong." The witch argued.   
"Oh yes, because you are always right, aren't you ?"   
"Would you call me a know-it-all, Malfoy ?"  
"Well, aren't you ?"

She snorted. She wanted to laugh but refrained. It would send the wrong message. Looking up, she could see he was smirking as if they just shared a good joke. As if she hasn't just rejected him. As if she was not about to break his heart. 

"You can't make me happy."  
"Dare I ask why ?"

She stayed silent for a moment, pondering whether she was ready to lose him, possibly forever. She knew she was being stubborn. He was her soulmate after all but she couldn’t bring herself to hold what she had to say. 

"Everything that went wrong in my life had been because of you." Hermione stated trying to sound casual.   
"Wh-what ?" Draco stuttered. He looked hurt. 

"You spent years bullying me in school. Your father gave Ginny Voldemort's old diary. Which resulted in me being petrified and my friends endangered. You have mocked me, calling me filthy. You have treated me like a low-life. You have let the death eaters come into the castle, attacked children and killed Dumbledore. You have watched people being tortured and murdered and more importantly you have watched me as I was being tortured by your own aunt. I was kidnapped and almost killed because of you."

He didn’t talk so she continued. Her eyes were burning with the tears she was holding back. And the lump in her throat began to grow as she saw Malfoy wince with pain. She couldn’t stop now. She needed to get all her past grudges out of her system. 

"Everytime I see your face I'm reminded I'm not enough. I'm not worthy of being loved. I'm not worthy of my magic. And now that some tattoos had appeared on our skins we're supposed to just accept it and get together and live happily ever after ? I don't think so. You say you've changed and I really believe you're not a racist bigot anymore. But the way you act at work and the way you are acting right now shows me you're still the same arrogant patronising obnoxious prat."  
"So that's what you think of me."  
"That's the truth."  
"Well, I guess that's it then."  
"I guess so".

He looked at her, really looked. His eyes roamed over her face, messy curly hair and curvy body as though he tried to memorise it all. As though it would be the last time he was ever going to see her again. She swallowed loudly waiting for him to finally leave. 

“Goodbye, Hermione”. 

The sound of her given name in his mouth made her shiver. And as soon as he turned to leave she missed his voice, his grey eyes, his beautiful pointy face. As soon as he closed the door behind him, she missed him and she couldn't explain why. She was the one rejecting him. She was the one who didn’t want him in her life. He was Draco Obnoxious Malfoy. He was arrogant and snobbish and gorgeous and caring. 

She stared at the closed door for a long time after he left. Her head was resting on her pillow and she started crying. All the tears she had held back fell at once and she couldn’t stop them anymore. She cried for all the things that had gone wrong but mostly she cried for the loss of Draco Malfoy.


	7. Chapter 7

Hermione made a list. She made a list of all the things she hated about her life. She hated her job, she hated that Ron had left her. She hated her body and her personality. She hated feeling so lonely. She hated feeling so powerless. She hated feeling like crap all the time. She was tired of her life and sick of being who she was. She hated having a soulmate she didn’t like and she hated everyone around her who felt like she was making a big mistake. Like they knew better than herself what she was feeling. Harry had dropped by just a few days after her fall out with Malfoy and he had sermoned her as if she was the one at fault. How could he not understand she couldn't make herself love him after what happened at school and during the war ? How could he not understand love was not a thing you could control ? 

Hermione hated him for the big speech he gave her about soulmates and true love because it had made her feel guilty when all she did was to speak her truth. Why was everyone so keen to forgive Malfoy for all his wrongdoings but not one single person could forgive her for simply not loving him ? 

She hated the smell after ten days without a shower. She hated her racing heart at the sole thought of getting out of bed. And for the first time she hated her flat, the paint of the walls, the furniture, her bedroom and her bed. 

Hermione made the list and then she called her mind healer who asked her to write a list of all the things she loved in her life. The young witch sat down on her couch and stared at the blank paper for a few minutes. She got up and made herself a cup of tea. The piece of paper was still lying on the coffee table of her living room one hour later and she had done everything she could to avoid it. Why was it so hard to see the good in her life but so easy to find things she loathed ? 

When Harry came that day he found her still staring at something. “What's going on ?” he asked. Hermione startled. She hadn't even heard the door open and close. She sighed. “I'm supposed to make a list of all the things I love about myself and my life. But I cannot find any.”  
“Do you need help to brainstorm ?”

Hermione sighed again. 

“Well, why not. Would you like a cup of coffee before starting ?”  
Harry grinned. He was utterly addicted to the substance. He couldn't spend more than a few hours without having a cuppa.  
“Yes, please.”  
“Coming right up” the witch said, chuckling. 

They sat together on the couch. Harry had the paper and the pen and Hermione was slowly drinking her hot cup of black tea. She felt anxious all of a sudden, as if the stakes were high. As if this was the most important list of her life. And perhaps it was. Perhaps she could save her mental health doing it. Maybe she could finally go out of bed and if she was well enough, get out of her flat. 

“Personal life” Harry said with matter-of-fact kind of ton.  
“There's nothing positive about my personal life. My parents don't remember me. Ron is not my soulmate. My soulmate is a former Death eater who bullied me at school. I've been abducted and almost murdered because of the said soulmate. My mental health is at its lowest point.” The witch stated.  
“Come on, Hermione.”

Harry started to write while his friend watched over his shoulder. 

I have great friends.

Hermione opened her mouth to argue but Harry raised his hand to stop her. “Its true. I've been there the whole time. And Ginny, Luna and Neville want to come visit you as soon as you'll feel like it.” 

Her eyes went wide. 

“Really ?”  
Harry smiled. “Yes, really. They miss you and they'd like to see you”. 

Her heart beat started to go faster and she felt a warm bubble taking shape in her chest that she hadn't felt for a long time. 

“Okay.” Hermione smiled softly. 

I have great friends.  
I have a great flat. 

“Actually I hate my flat. I want to sell it.”  
“Oh. I thought you loved it.  
“Well, yes, I did. But staying home all day for a long period of time turned my love into hate. And if I want to get better, I need a change and get a new space.”  
“Okay.” he said. 

“I know you hate your job so I won't write it down.”  
“Thank you” Hermione said.  
“What else ?”  
“I don't know. That's all, I think.” 

Harry hummed. And he paused to think. 

I have great friends.  
I have a great flat.  
I am brilliant, intelligent, brave, beautiful and strong. 

Hermione winced when she read the words. She couldn't believe they applied to her. But she didn't say anything because Harry had that look on his face. He was determined to help her with the list and she knew he would dismiss every objection she might have. 

I have great friends.  
I have a great flat.  
I am brilliant, intelligent, brave, beautiful and strong.  
I can be whoever I want. 

“Harry...”  
“It's true, Hermione. No matter what you went through in the past. If you want to change your life, I know you're strong enough to do it. If you want to change your flat, your job, your hair, even though I think you're beautiful just the way you are, you can do it.”  
“I don't know about that. It's so hard.”  
“I know. I know it's not an easy thing to do. But you're so much more than the pain you're feeling right now. You're so much more than your mental health. Without you, I would have never defeated Voldemort. I would have never had the ability to be an Auror, and a good one at that.”  
“You're talking about another Hermione. I'm not her.”  
“You're her. She's here, within you. You've changed. You're different than the person you were 5 years ago but she's still here.” He put his finger on her heart and she bursted into tears. The young witch sniffled. 

“I don't feel her. I can't find her. I feel like such a failure all the time. I feel like I'm not myself but I don't know who I am anymore. Who is she ? Who am I ? I don't know. Why am I like this ? Why am I on Earth if all life is about is fighting and suffering ?” 

Harry took her hand into his. “It's okay, Hermione. It's okay not to know. It's okay not to be okay. You don't need to be anyone. You don't need to be your past self. You can find yourself again, whoever that might be now. Even if it takes years for you to find out who you are. It's fine.”

Hermione nodded but the tears continued to fall down her cheeks. It seemed like she only had two emotions nowadays : massive emptiness or overwhelming sadness. She could only either stare at the ceiling or cry for hours. This was exhausting. She was tired. 

“Can we continue this later ? I'd like to rest”.  
“Sure, no problem.” Harry said.  
“Thank you”  
Hermione went to bed and she slept through the day without waking up or eating. 

Her healer gave her small assignments. Like having a shower. Making a cup of tea and actually drinking it. Changing her pyjamas into normal clothes. Everyday she had a thing to do. And she focused her energy solely on it. Harry went shopping for her and started coming everyday to cook and clean a bit. Despite the fact he was not agreeing with her about Malfoy he tried to help her as much as he could. And she was grateful for it. 

The first day was excruciating. 

She had a shower while Harry changed her sheets and blankets. She sat on the floor for several minutes before gathering the strength to find some soap and wash herself. Her mind was clearer but her energy was low. She had not eaten properly for two weeks and the void in her chest was taking all the leftovers. After that she had to lay down and rest for hours before being able to do anything else. She ate a bit of the food Harry prepared but went back to bed and slept for the remainder of the day. 

The second day, Harry knocked on the door at 10am with two cups of coffee. They stayed in bed for hours, watching movies and talking. When Hermione fell asleep he cleaned her living room and kitchen. She ate but couldn't take a shower or change her clothes. She cried herself to sleep that night feeling like a huge failure.  
The third day, she had managed to take a shower and when Harry showed up she was eating a piece of bread on the kitchen table. He smiled and dropped a cup of coffee in front of her. They drank in companionable silence. When he left that day, he kissed her cheek. 

“I’m proud of you.”Harry said and shut the door and she was alone again but the words he whispered lingered for a few minutes. She went to bed and took a book in her library. She read a few chapters remembering how it felt to be immersed into a story. She smiled slightly when she closed her eyes. 

The fourth day was her best day so far. She had a shower and changed her clothes. Harry offered to go for a walk in the nearby park. Hesitation was painted on her face but she finally gave in. It was time to get out. Her heart was racing and hitting her ribcage. A knot was forming into her belly and she felt nauseous. To steady herself she took Harry's arm. 

“Are you ready ?”  
“No but I don't think I will ever be”  
“Okay, I know you can do it.”  
“You have more faith in me than I have in myself.”  
“Even if we just walk for 5 minutes, it’s okay. I'll be there the whole time.”  
“Okay.”

They walked. Slowly at first then when Hermione relaxed they talked and sped up their pace. The day was nice. It was sunny and warm. The park was deserted. It was the middle of the afternoon and most people were still at work. They sat on a bench and watched the ducks swim. The wind was blowing softly. Hermione tilted her head backwards to let the sun caress her face. She couldn’t remember feeling so calm for a long time. Harry disappeared to buy some pastries and they ate in silence. People started getting out of work around 5pm and children were going home from school. The noise of the city were filling their ears and the sun was setting. 

“Can we go home ?” Hermione asked.  
“Sure. You're the boss.”

The young witch suddenly took Harry’s hand. 

“Thank you Harry for what you’re doing. For being there for me. And I'm sorry for being this way.” Tears were now rolling on her cheeks.  
“Hey, hey. Don’t worry about it. I’m glad to be able to spend time with you. We never had the chance to have a normal friendship at school so it’s nice to share different things with you.”  
“Well, I’m glad too. And I’m lucky to have you.”  
“Don’t even mention it.” he said. 

They went home and she went to bed immediately. Harry had not left yet that she was already asleep. 

The days passed and she was feeling better. Some days were easier than others. Some days she felt strong and some other days she felt like a failure. Her mind healer called everyday and Hermione continued to work on her recovery with its ups and downs. The road was not even. There were many bumps but she did what she could to get better. 

One day she woke up and her decision was made. She went to the kitchen, took a piece of parchment and wrote a note. She sat there for a long time until Harry arrived. He looked at her hand where the letter was folded. He frowned. 

“What is it ?”

Hermione breathed. Slowly for a minute trying to calm her racing heart. She wiped her sweaty hands on her pyjamas and swallowed before managing to finally speak. 

“My resignation letter.” She paused.”For the Ministry.”  
“Oh.” 

Hermione nodded. 

“Yes. I think it’s time.”  
“Are you sure ?”  
“Yes. Can you send it for me ?”  
“Yes, no problem. I’ll do it.”  
“Thank you.” 

Harry grinned. 

“I’m so proud of you, Hermione, for being so strong and moving forward.” 

The young witch winced. “I’m not strong.” she said but Harry shook his head. “You are. You are so strong. Stronger than anyone I know. You wake up every morning and you fight. You fight for yourself and for your life and it’s beautiful.” 

“You think so ?”  
“I know so.”  
“Thank you. Most days I feel like I’m failing and I'm falling and can’t even get back up.”  
“But you’re trying.”  
“I am trying.”  
“This is awesome.” 

Hermione softly laughed. 

“Well, I’m supposed to be a Gryffindor, am I not ?”  
“Oh yeah.” Harry said, smiling widely. “You’re a real Gryff.” 

For the first time in weeks she smiled back and her smile reached her eyes. A beautiful spark lightened them and Harry felt hope for her and he released a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. 

He knew. He knew she was going to be okay.


	8. Chapter 8

Hermione looked over the list of all the good qualities and talents that her Healer made her write. This had been a long and hard process but she’s finally done it. Her chest was constricted and she forced herself to breathe slowly. Her imposter syndrome was kicking in hard but she had decided not to let it win. Hearing something positive about herself was difficult to accept. Writing her own compliments and qualities felt insurmountable. It had taken her more than two weeks to complete it. Harry had tried to help her but his ideas sounded more like flattery than truth. And if she was going to do it, she needed to be honest and to do it herself. It was not about what others might perceive of her but how she saw herself. So Hermione had turned down Harry’s help.

The outcome just laid before her eyes and it made her cringe. She hated every word she had used to qualify herself but for every quality she added a proof, more to convince herself than her therapist. 

Strong.  
I helped defeated Voldemort.  
I didn’t kill myself when I wanted to. I’m still alive. 

Intelligent.  
I was top of my class at Hogwarts. Knew how to do a Polyjuice potion in second year. 

Powerful.  
I was able to do most of advanced charms and spells as early as third year. 

Friendly and fun to be around.  
I have friends that love me. 

Natural leader.  
Harry said bossy but I hate that word.  
I was able to foment a plan for defeating Voldemort.

The young witch inhaled and called her owl to finally send the list to her Mind Healer.

A knock on the main door was gently heard. Hermione was ready. She looked at herself on the mirror hanging in the living room. She had tamed her hair into a bun that was already turning messy. The witch opened the door and Harry came in, his hair messier than Hermione’s. She laughed. 

"You’re horribly happy." She said when he sat down on the sofa. 

The wizard ginned. 

"I’m in a great mood. This is a wonderful day."  
“I'm glad.”  
“What about you ? Excited ?”  
“I'd say happy but nervous.”  
“I understand. Neville, Ginny and Luna are very impatient to see you. It's been ages.”  
”I know.” She winced.  
”Don't feel bad about it. You needed time to heal. Everyone understands that.”

Hermione let out a breath of relief. Guilt had been eating her out since she agreed to meet her friends. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she had failed them. That she was supposed to be stronger and wiser. That she was supposed to know what direction her life should take. Being vulnerable and admitting she was lost and confused was not easy. But her friends had understood. They really had. Tears were starting to form in the corner of her eyes. She blinked a few times in hope of blocking the tears from falling down but in vain. 

"Hermione..."

Harry’s voice was filled with concern but she dismissed it with a wave of her hand. 

"I’m okay. Just a bit overwhelmed." 

She wiped her tears and took a tissue from her kitchen counter to blow her nose. Harry didn’t speak for a few minutes. The young witch inhaled deeply and exhaled with a chuckle. 

"This is stupid, you know. I am realising I have been worried of what people would think of me. I have been so worried about my reputation since the war ended. I was trying to do what people expected of me, of the Golden Girl of the Golden Trio. I judged Ron for being shallow and letting fame go to his head but I'm no better. I did exactly the same except instead of doing the front page of magazines I was trying to prove them how smart and strong I was. But if I’m being honest with myself, this is not what I want. I don’t want a boring job at the Ministry. I don’t want to marry a war hero and have many children. I don’t want to always be strong and make the right choices. I just want to be human. And being human means being vulnerable. It means making mistakes sometimes. Oh my god, I’m so tired of trying to be perfect. I’m so tired of trying to please people and living my life the way I think they want me to live it. I’m so tired, Harry.” 

Hermione turned around to face her best friend and he was grinning. She frowned. 

“Why are you smiling ?”  
'I'm proud of you is all.”

Hermione laughed. Her chest felt lighter now that she had vented. 

“Well, you’ve already quitted your job. Now is the perfect time to find what you really want.“ Harry said, with a small smirk. 

With a nod, Hermione wiped the last tears. She sighed. She took a large gulp of tea. 

“I think I'm ready to go.“ 

They apparated in Diagon Alley. Hermione smiled when she recognised the streets full of life and the shops that used to excite her enthusiasm as a child. She remembered the feeling when she first came in the Wizarding world. She was overwhelmed but so happy to finally belong. She belonged to this world, to this community. She had magic running in her veins and she had as much right as anybody else to live in it. She looked around for a few seconds, assessing the atmosphere. Her friend’s hand was holding her arm, like a reassurance. She smiled to him and nodded. They walked down the street, not acknowledging the looks and the whispers. 

They arrived at the Leaky cauldron after a few minutes and they immediately spotted Neville, Luna and Ginny waiting for them. When their friends saw them, they stood up at once and came towards them to hug Hermione. Tears were beginning to form in her eyes and she swallowed the lump in her throat. She tried not to cry but the tears had a life of their own and fell down her cheeks. Especially when came Ginny’s turn to hug her. Hermione had missed her friend and she still smelled like their childhood and innocence. Like Quidditch and treacle tart. They have been through so much but the ginger girl still had that same smile, those sparkling eyes and this fiery energy. Her presence was strong and Hermione had missed having her by her side. 

"Oh Hermione. Please, don’t cry." Ginny said.  
"I’m not crying. You’re crying."  
"I’m crying because you’re crying."  
"I missed you so much."  
"I know, I missed you too. I have been so busy, caught up with my own life. I’m sorry I haven’t been with you as much as you needed me to be."  
"It’s okay. I’m happy to see you today.” Hermione lingered in the warm embrace until Harry complained she was stealing his fiancé. The young witch giggled and released Ginny. 

They sat down and ordered Butterbeers. Hermione expressed her surprise when she saw Neville and Luna sit next to each other, holding hands. Neville nodded and glanced at Luna with a look of admiration and love. Times passed and they sat there for hours, talking, catching up with their lives. They laughed and when they parted, a promise was made to meet once a week for more butterbeers and more conversation. 

Hermione got home alone. Harry left with Ginny and she assured him she was fine. And she was. She haven't laughed this much until...she didn’t even know how long it had been if she was being honest. Tired, the young witch took a quick shower and went to bed. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, she fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

The sun has been up for hours when the witch woke up. She stretched her arms above her head and yawned loudly. Looking at the ceiling, she wondered what to do with her day. She had an appointment with her therapist this afternoon but it was still early and for once, she felt energetic enough to get out of bed. She listened to the birds singing for a little while. She observed the sun rays moving around the room. When she felt confident enough, she took the first step : making coffee. She got up and went to the kitchen to put the kettle on. In a French press, she placed two spoons of coffee and added the boiling water. She stirred and poured the black elixir into a big mug. Sitting on the sofa, she nursed the cup into her hands and enjoyed the warm drink a few seconds before taking a gulp. 

She could do it, she said to herself. If she took one step at a time, she could do it. She could have a better life. Making coffee was not that hard. She didn’t have to make any big decision today. She didn’t have to advance any career or choose a life path. She didn’t have to do anything. She could just enjoy her morning cup of coffee and be content with the now. 

Her flat was still messy despite the fact that Harry came almost everyday to help her with the daily chores. Dirty clothes laid on the floor. Dishes in the sink were waiting to be washed. Breadcrumbs on the coffee table have probably been there for a week and the bathroom needed a good scrub. Hermione took a look around and even though it bothered her, she decided it was a task for another day. 

The young witch put on sweat pants, brushed her teeth and tied her hair up. She went to the park for a walk. The place was empty since kids were still at school. Hermione sat on a bench and breathed deeply. The air was warm. The summer was already here and the weather began to be nicer and nicer. The sun shone merrily in the sky as it was almost noon. The trees stood tall and majestically, shading the large patches of grass. A slight breeze caressed her hair now and then. Hermione felt at peace for a moment. 

* * * *

Each day was one more day spent towards healing. Each day was a new day and she tried to do her best to live her life. Each day was a new opportunity to be herself and she was willing to work hard to get better. She had already resigned her job. She woke up everyday, drank coffee, had a shower and cleaned and tidied up. Each day, she just took one more step, slowly and deliberately. Her appointments with her mind healer were saving her life more than once. Harry and Ginny were a constant she needed to feel grounded. Harry stopped coming with food and Hermione started to cook again for him. She has always loved cooking but couldn’t find the energy to do it when in the midst of her depression. Now she used it as a tool against her depression. When she felt like she was not real, like her life was out of control, like her mind was sinking and drowning, Hermione spent time in her kitchen. She cut the tomatoes one by one, focusing on the sensations in her fingers, the cool touch of their skin, the colours of their flesh and the noise of the knife hitting the chopping board. She focused on the garlic sautéed in the pan, the strong smell and the cracklings. Every move was a testimony she was alive, she was real, she was in control. Everything was going to be okay and she had a healthy body she could nourish with good food. On those days she would cook and call Harry to share her food. 

One those days, her mind healer was always available for a chat. And if all those things didn’t work, she took naps after naps. She let herself be weak for a while until her strength returned. Sometimes it took a few hours. Sometimes it took a few days. But unlike before, it rarely took a few weeks anymore. And that was improvement. 

And when Hermione was okay, when she felt properly human again, she thought of him. She didn’t want to but her mind had a will of its own. She couldn’t help it. She thought of him, of how he was doing. And she had tried to bring it up to Harry but he had pretended not to understand and the amusement in his eyes was so obvious, she had given up asking him anything about Malfoy. Still, she was dying to know. She subscribed to The Prophet in hope of reading articles about him, seeing photographs or even just plain informations. But nothing came out. She had learned nothing. And her pride prevented her from sending him an owl. She’d have to apologise and that was out of the question. She had not been wrong. Therefore there was nothing to apologise for. 

She was drinking tea on her sofa thinking of Malfoy again when she heard a knock on her window. A large owl was staring at her and carrying a large enveloppe. She took it and gave a treat to the owl who made a happy noise. Hermione opened the letter and she smiled when she recognised the fancy font and the words printed on the beautiful white invitation. It was simple. It was perfect. 

With great pleasure  
Ginevra Molly Weasley and Harry James Potter  
invite you to join them  
at the celebration of their marriage  
Saturday, the 21th of July, 2002  
at two thirty in the afternoon  
At the Burrows  
Reception to follow

The young witch ran to her bedroom in order to find a quill and wrote her reply before sending it back with the owl that was waiting. She clapped her hands in excitement. She’d need a dress and a new hair style and some make-up. The wedding was in two weeks and she just couldn’t wait to see her best friends get married and have a happy life together.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for any grammatical error :s

"Why are you selling your flat exactly ?" Neville asked with confusion in his voice.

Luna and Neville had come to dine with her and were sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine. It had become a new tradition. Butterbeers on Friday nights and dinner on Sunday. Being surrounded by her friends made her feel more centered and she had quickly realised it was one of the things that made her the happiest. That and read books.

“Your flat is great.” He added.   
“I know, Nev, but I need a change. I have potential buyers coming tomorrow and I really hope they will like it.”  
“Well, I think it's a great idea.“ Luna said.   
“Thank you.”

A moment of silence passed. 

“Have you heard from Draco ?” Luna finally dropped.   
“Luna !“ Neville looked so shocked that Hermione started laughing. She blushed, her head shaking to say no.   
“Why not ?“   
“Luna, I don’t think Hermione wants to talk about him.“   
“Why not?“ Her face looked genuinely confused.  
“It's fine. I don’t mind.“ She said to Neville. Turning her head towards Luna, she added “I haven't heard from him since that day. Besides, I don’t think he wants to talk to me after what I said to him. I was...not very nice.“  
“Oh yes, he told me about it.“ 

Hermione opened her mouth. Her heart exploded in her ribcage. Her toes curled and her hands started tickling. 

“Wh-what?“ She stuttered.   
“He said you called him an “arrogant patronising obnoxious prat“.“

Her mouth remained open and no words were coming out. The silence in the her living room was deafening. Hermione’s mind went blank. 

“Wh-how ?“  
“We talk.“   
“You talk to Malfoy ?“  
“His name’s Draco.“   
“I know what his name is.“ 

She sounded angry and she was. She actually felt a bit betrayed. Luna was her friend and now what ? He was trying to befriend her as well. Was he trying to reach her via her friends ? Was he trying to invade her life through her friends ? 

“You know, Hermione, when I was a prisoner at Malfoy’s manor, he brought extra food and blankets for me. For all of us. He took care of us. So yes, I talk to him because he helped me and I’m grateful. And he’s my friend. Draco’s not the monster you made up in your mind.“

Hermione blushed. Luna was the sweetest person in this world and she sounded frustrated with her. For the first time of her life, Hermione knew she had to back down. 

“Sorry.“  
“I think you should talk to him.“ Luna went on like nothing happened. “He is miserable. He doesn't say he is, of course, but I can see through his mask. He reads the Prophet everyday to find articles about you and the other day he asked Harry how you were doing. Oh, and he made food for you.“  
“What do you mean he made food for me ?“ Hermione said. Her throat was dry and her voice sounded hoarse.  
“Luna...“ The warning was clear in Neville’s voice.   
“No, Neville, let her finish. What food ?“  
“The food Harry brought you when you were feeling down. It was Draco’s.“   
“It was ?“   
“Yes.“ 

The bright witch put down her glass of wine on the coffee table and pressed her back on the chair behind her. She was confused. Malfoy was supposed to be angry and to hate her, not taking care of her with good food without her knowledge. And Harry, the traitor... Yet, a small piece of her heart was jumping with happiness. He was thinking of her. If she sent an owl, would he answer ? Would he be pleased ? He had been cooking food for her. He had asked Harry. He was still interested in her well-being. In her. Was he still in love ? Hermione shook her head. Her train of thought was too dangerous. She was the one rejecting him in the first place. She had been mean. She had made sure he disappeared from her life. 

When she looked up, Neville and Luna were watching her, the former with amusement and the latter with delight. She realised a grin had formed on her own face. Even her body had betrayed her. 

“Oh shut up.“ Hermione finally said.

And they laughed.

With Monday came a flow of people visiting her flat. There were two couples without children and a family of four. They all seemed interested and Hermione was waiting for the real estate agent to call her back with an offer. She spent the whole week visiting flats to rent and she found a gem outside of London. The flat had a lot of windows bringing light to the different rooms and a wooden floor. She fell in love with the bedroom that was more of a suite. The kitchen was smaller than in her previous flat but the living-room was spacious enough to shelter her hundreds books. She loved it. Harry had asked why she wasn’t planning on buying another flat but she didn’t want any string attached. She wanted to feel free to leave whenever she needed to. 

The young witch was fed up with trying to root herself : buying a flat, planning a wedding with someone, having a steady job at the Ministry. She had tried all that and nothing had worked out. Every single thing she had wanted had fallen apart and crashed. If the war and her kidnapping had taught her something, it would be life is uncertain and anything can happen. Right now, what she wanted was to live her life the fullest, one day at a time. Buying meant staying and she didn’t even know if she would stay. Maybe she would travel for a bit. Maybe. Just maybe. She could do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted to. 

Life brings no certainty and Hermione was ready for the next chapter of life to be more spontaneous. Her only goal was to be happy, to do things she loved, to take care of her mental health instead of having a thousand goals on her to-do list she forced herself to reach because society had told her that’s what success meant. Success was just a social construct. It didn’t mean happiness. It didn’t mean peace of mind. It only meant that people viewed you as a rich, famous beautiful person. Because, if we’re honest with ourselves, that’s just what social success is about : money, fame and beauty.   
Hermione didn’t want that anymore. She wanted more for her life. For herself. That’s why everyday she flooded with her mind healer. That’s why everyday she got up and took a shower, had a walk, tried to feel every emotion that went through her. That’s why everyday she fought for herself. She fought for her life, for her peace, for her health. 

Happiness was a big word. A bit scary. So the young witch took it one step at a time, one day at time. She wasn’t trying to do anything big, just figuring out what it meant to be Hermione. Just Hermione. She didn’t know what being herself meant, really. It was still a bit obscure but she was working on it every single day. She didn’t know if it meant apologising to Malfoy and having her soulmate in her life. She didn’t know if it meant having a job or traveling. Or maybe, just enjoying life for now. 

She was open to new possibilities. 

New possibilities happened fast. A couple bought her flat within a week, she moved in her new space and she spent another week trying to organise her book shelves instead of shopping for a dress. Harry and Ginny’s wedding was in two days and she hadn’t got a dress yet. She had been procrastinating this particular task. The thought of going to Diagon Alley, trying a few dresses and potentially meeting a specific someone, it filled her with anxiety. She knew Malfoy was going to the wedding ceremony. Harry had warned her. He had become friend with him and it was important to him that Malfoy come. Since then, she hadn’t been able to sleep properly, her thought had been completely overwhelmed by one thing : Malfoy. And she was trying to convince herself that no, him being there was not going to change anything. They could just ignore each other and everything would be fine.

But Hermione had to buy a dress. Her mind was playing tricks on her, trying to imagine what Malfoy would think when he would see her in a beautiful dress. Would he find her attractive ? Beautiful ? Sexy ? Would he fall back in love with her ? Her thoughts were going wild and she didn’t know how to stop them. Several times a day, she caught herself daydreaming. She had to shake her head and busy herself to stop thinking about a certain blond. 

At one point, Luna finally got tired of her pining. 

“I am not pining.“ Hermione complained but Luna didn’t listen.

Her friend took her shopping in Muggle London. 

She tried a dozen of dresses before finding the One : a stunning night blue dress with a combination of thin straps, a v-neck that showed some cleavage and a bare-back. The style of the dress was very much 1930s. Luna had squealed when she had got out of the fitting room. It was THE dress and she was going to be gorgeous. 

Hermione went home and went straight to bed. She was tired of walking all afternoon, of doing small talk and her anxiety had taken all of her energy. Her only wish at this moment was to crawl to bed and sleep forever. 

* * * *

The day was beautiful. The sun was shining bright and the air was warm. Hermione arrived early to help Ginny with getting dressed. She was her bridesmaid and she was taking her job very seriously. The bride was getting dressed and Hermione was trying to tie the laces properly in her back. 

“Are you nervous ?“ Hermione asked after a moment of silence.   
“No, not at all. Harry’s my soulmate, nothing can go wrong. I love him for as long as I can remember.“   
“I’m happy for you.“   
“Thank you, Hermione. I am so so happy you’re here today.“

The witch grinned. 

“Draco will be there.“   
“Draco, huh ?“ The use of his given name should have surprised but Hermione was getting used to the presence of Malfoy in her circle of friends. Luna talked about him. Harry met him a few times to grab a beer at the Leaky Cauldron.   
“Well, he’s Harry’s friend. As weird as it is.“

Hermione sighed.

“I know he will be there. Harry told me.“  
“How do you feel ?“ 

She shrugged. 

“Nervous. Last time we saw each other I was a mess and I said things I kind of regret.“   
You do ?   
“Well I could have been less mean.“   
“So you don’t regret what you said, just the way you said it ? “  
“Yes. I meant what I said.“

Ginny frowned and glanced at her. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Gin“   
“I just don’t understand. I get that you have a difficult past together. He was always meaner to you than to anyone else but...“  
“Gin...“  
“He’s your soulmate. “  
“Gin.“ 

Her ton was firm. She was getting annoyed and anger was starting to make its way to her chest. 

“Okay. Let’s forget he’s your soulmate for a minute. Let’s just pretend he’s just a regular guy. I really think if you took time to know him you would actually like him. He is smart, kind and funny. You would have great conversations. He would listen to you and take your opinion into account. Unlike my brother.“ 

Ginny arched one brow as if she was just challenging Hermione to contradict her. 

“I loved your brother very much.“  
“I know. I love my brother but I don’t think you were a perfect match.“   
“We were clearly not meant for each other.“  
“Draco is annoying, most of the time. “ Ginny added. 

Hermione laughed. 

“I thought you were supposed to convince me to give him a chance.“   
“I am.“  
“You’re doing a poor job at it.“   
“He is annoying. But he would be able to challenge you intellectually. And let’s not forget one thing.”  
“What is it?“  
“He’s bloody gorgeous.“ 

Hermione chuckled. 

“He really is.“

Ginny grinned and turned around to face the mirror. 

“Gin, you’re gorgeous. This dress...wow.“  
“Thank you.“  
“Are you ready ?“   
“Yes. Let’s do this.“

The ceremony took place in the garden. All the guest were already seated. Ginny and Harry had chosen to have a small wedding. Only family and very close friends had been invited. All of Hermione’s friends from Hogwarts were there and she was thrilled to be able to spend time with them. In the front was a porch surrounded by white and pink flowers. It was simple and elegant. Ginny’s touch, obviously. She had fought her mom for weeks to have her dream wedding. With great success. The young witch was stubborn and she refused to budge. Molly had to give in after being threatened of not being invited to the wedding. Ginny had celebrated her victory with a pint on their weekly butterbeer Friday night. 

Ginny walked the aisle slowly, Hermione by her side. Harry looked at her and grinned, his eyes sparkled. There were no two other people more perfect for each other. On her right side, Hermione caught a glimpse of a red head. She glanced. Ron caught her eyes and smiled at her. She smiled back, happy to see him despite everything that had happened. It seemed like a long time ago and she had moved on. 

The ceremony was beautiful. 

The reception started and love was in the air. Luna and Neville held hands, Ron had come with her new girlfriend. George put a hand on Angelina's growing belly. Even Molly and Arthur seemed more in love than ever. Hermione was avoiding Malfoy. His platinum blond was hard to miss, even in the small crowd. But despite her efforts, she could feel him watching her, during the procession, while she was standing at the altar next to Ginny, when she hugged both her friends, when she moved, when she walked, he was observing her and she tried very hard not to look at him. 

Hermione went to the bar to get a drink. 

"A glass of red wine, please."  
"Excellent choice." A familiar voice said behind her. Her body tensed up.   
"Relax, Granger. I am not here to fight."  
"Malfoy." She turned around and hazelnut eyes met grey ones. Her chest tightened and a lump in her throat started to form. He was gorgeous. Her insides made a loop.  
"How are you ?" 

Malfoy arched a brow, as if he was saying : small talk, really ? 

"Fine."   
"Good."   
"Yes. And you ?"  
"Fine."   
"Good." 

Hermione laughed nervously. Malfoy smiled. 

"You look very beautiful."  
"Thank you. You clean up nice yourself." 

He nodded. 

“I...” Hermione inhaled. “I want to apologise.”

Malfoy frowned. 

“For what ?”  
“For being mean to you. You know, when you came to my flat.”  
“Oh. You don’t need to. You were right. It hurt but you were right. I was trying to control you, to control your life, to impose and I had no right. Even with this soulmate thing, I was...am no one for you. Worse than that, I had bullied you for so long you have every right to be angry and to resent me.“   
“I don’t. I don’t resent you.“

He nodded. Hermione observed him for a minute. His expression was soft and his eyes showed no cruelty, no hardness. The boy from their childhood had disappeared. And the man standing in front of her was different. More gentle. More attractive. 

“I guess I also need to thank you.“  
“Your apology was already ridiculous. But now you want to thank me ? For what ?“  
“The food.“ She just said. He shrugged.   
“You were not supposed to know.“  
“Luna told me.“  
“Of course she did.“ The fondness in his voice was obvious.   
“Well, thank you. It really helped me get better.“  
“You’re welcome.“ 

Pride was painted on his face. Hermione stared at him like an idiot. When his mouth broke into a grin, her heartbeat sped up. Around them, people were starting to dance. Children were running around. The newly weds were waltzing, lost into each other’s eyes. Hermione smiled. Her best friends were happy, that’s all that mattered.

“Would you like to dance ?“

His eyes widened. 

“Wh-what ?“  
“Would like to dance with me, Malfoy ?“  
“Yes.“

He took her hand and she led him on the dance floor. He timidly placed one hand on her hip while she put hers on his shoulder. When she got closer, his hand slipped in her lower back. His fingers came in contact with her skin, spreading warmth in the area. He stayed still for what seemed an eternity. She looked up and smiled at him. Draco Malfoy was loosing his cool. That fact made Hermione chuckled. 

“Are you laughing at me ?“ Malfoy asked.   
“Kind of. You’re adorable.“  
“No, I am not. A Malfoy can not be adorable.“ 

She laughed openly, throwing her head backwards. Everyone on the dance floor were now very interested by the couple. 

“You are. It's fine, you know. I mean it as a compliment.“

Malfoy grumbled. 

They danced in uncomfortable silence. The tension felt unbearable. Every cell of her body seemed aware of the presence of his fingers on her skin, the closeness of his chest, his strong arms around her, his breath blowing in her hair and even the heat of his magical core. His smell was so intoxicating and no matter what distance she tried to keep, her walls were starting to fall down and she didn’t know how to stop the process. 

When the song ended, she let out a breath of relief. She stepped back. 

“Hermione...“

She avoided his eyes, turned around and ran away.


	10. Chapter 10

“I panicked.” Hermione said.   
“Yeah, we could see that.”

The young witch let out a growl of frustration. A few days have passed since the wedding but the memory was still very much alive. She couldn’t stop thinking about it. It made her restless and she just couldn’t sleep anymore. She thought constantly about what she had done. She thought about Malfoy and what he must have felt, being left on the dance floor in front of everyone. 

“I don’t know what happened, Gin. He was so close. I really wanted to lean in and draw him even closer. I couldn’t properly think or breathe. My body hurt just from restraining myself.”

Ginny, a cup of coffee in one hand, laughed. 

“It’s called attraction, Hermione.”  
“I know.”

She sighed. 

”I screwed up.” She finally admitted.  
”Well, yes, a little. But don’t worry too much about it. Despite what you think, Draco knows you. He won’t force you into anything. I think he’ll wait for you if that’s what it takes to be with you. But if you don’t want a relationship with him, you should tell him though.”  
”I don’t know what I want.”  
”Maybe you should figure it out.”

The witch nodded. Her friend was right. She knew she was right. After what happened at the wedding, she couldn’t ignore her attraction any longer, she couldn’t ignore that she had missed him the last few months. She had wondered what he was doing, how he was doing. She had tried to bury all these thoughts and feelings deep down. In vain. 

After Ginny left, Hermione went to Diagon Alley to shop and buy a few books at Flourish and Blotts. Reading was a great comfort. Books were her breath of fresh air. Books were her inhale and her exhale without which she could live. Stories were places where she could escape, where her mind would go live in fantasy lands. She had hundreds of books at home but she needed something new. She was looking for novels but also potions and charms books to practice her magic. Her anxiety and depression have had impacted the quality of her spells. She was still able to cast simple spells but the more complicated ones came out unsteady. Her mind healer had said her magic core was connected to her soul and it was logical that her poor mental health had affected her ability to cast spells and perform magic. One more reason for Hermione to work for a better health, to continue this fight everyday. 

When she arrived in the Alley, the street was crowded. She walked fast, hoping no one would stop her to ask for autographs. Hermione could feel the looks of curiosity but she ignored them. She kept her head down. After the war, celebrity came knocking at her door. Harry and Ron had coped with indifference for the former and with delight for the latter, it has only created anxiety for her. So she had retreated in Muggle London while Harry and Ron had moved in Hogsmeade within a few months. She craved for peace and solitude and anonymity. 

For so long, the young witch had been Hermione Granger, the know-it-all, friend of Harry Potter, the Boy who lives. She had been in the front line of everything that Harry had been through. And she was tired. Tired of all the attention she got. Tired of all the fights. Tired of being brave. She just needed some coffee, books and a small group of friends. And she’d be okay. 

That was why she needed more books. When she spotted the bookshop, she walked in that direction. She pushed the door and she left the cold behind her to immerse herself in the warmth of the cozy space. The customers looked up and stared at her. Curiosity obviously showing on their faces. Her anxiety rose up and her hands became instantly clammy. Going out was a bad idea. She should have stayed home. She was stupid enough to think she was able to leave the safety of her flat and face the world. What a dumb idea ! She took one step back, hitting her back against someone who was standing behind her, in the doorframe. 

She turned around and was met by grey eyes. She gasped. Whispers were heard in the library. For a second, Hermione wondered if they knew. Did they know the Golden Girl and the former Death Eater were soulmates ? But her logic convinced her it was impossible. The animosity between them was well known. They were just gossiping about a possible feud in the middle of the shop.

Malfoy looked at her, then at the crowd. 

”Don't you all have more important things to do ?” 

His voice was loud and threatening, as if it sheltered a rage just readying to explode. People lowered their gazes and pretended not to pay attention to them. 

”Hermione.”  
”Hello.” Her voice was shaky. She silently cursed herself. 

He walked past her and disappeared behind the shelves. Hermione let out a breath she didn’t even know she held. Of course she had to encounter the only person in the world she was trying to avoid. The Universe was having a good laugh right now, she thought. It was probably trying to kill her with a heart attack by putting Malfoy on her path over and over again. She looked at the ceiling and shook her head. 

Her face was burning. From shame. He must hate her and he had every right to be angry. He likely didn’t want to talk to her. She weighed the pros and cons for a few seconds and she decided to proceed with her shopping. She walked towards the shelves where the charm books were. She took a small parchment from her pocket. She read the list of books she had written. She found the right shelf and spent a good half an hour looking for the books she needed. She hoped Malfoy had left at this point. But when she went to the aisle where the potions books were shelved, Malfoy was standing there, reading a book. She stood watching him for a full minute before he felt her presence. She inhaled loudly, gathering her Gryffindor courage.

”Malfoy.”  
”My name is Draco, you know.” She froze when he spoke. He sounded angry.  
”I know.”

He shook his head and his gaze returned to the book he held in his hands. The silence that followed was deafening. 

”I'm sorry.” She finally said.   
”What is that ?”  
”You heard me.  
”Barely.” He smirked, disdain painted on his face.   
”I. am. sorry. Is that clearer ?”  
”It is. What are you apologising for exactly ? Is it for running away and leaving me in front of everyone ? Or is it for not using my given name ? Is it because you will never forgive me for being a prat at sixteen years old when everyone else is making efforts to move on ? Is it because you still think of me as a filthy Death Eater ? 

He spat the last words like they were hurting him. 

”All of it.”  
”Wow, what a wonderful day. The Golden Girl, War hero, Brightest witch of her generation is apologising to the Death Eater for being prejudiced.”  
”No need to be so cynical.”

Malfoy arched a brow. 

”Okay, let me apologise properly. Have a coffee with me ?”

The blond stared at her, visibly surprised. 

”Okay But not here, not in Diagon Alley.” 

They payed for the books and walked side by side in awkward silence for a few minutes. They left Diagon Alley and walked in Muggle London. Malfoy led her to a small coffeeshop. When they entered, Malfoy was greeted by the waiters warmly. 

”Do you come here often ?” she asked.   
”Surprised I am interacting with Muggles ?”

The bright witch blushed. 

”A little bit.” She admitted.   
”I come here everyday for my morning coffee. I live nearby.”  
”You live in Muggle London ?”   
”Yes, Hermione. I live near Muggles without murdering or threatening them. ”  
”That's not what I meant. Why don’t you live in the Manor anymore ? I just thought you would live there and take care of the estate.”  
”That's what my mom and my dad would have wanted to but after the war, it was easier to move on with my life away from the Manor and the memories it brought back.This place resembles nothing from my childhood home. I can’t stand the ghosts of the past and even though Voldemort isn’t there anymore, I can still feel his presence.”

She nodded.

”I understand.”

They stayed silent. She looked at him and met his eyes. 

”I'm sorry for everything that happened in the last six months. I want to apologise for treating you the way I have treated you all this time. I know you are not the same person as you were in Hogwarts. I know you have changed. I am sorry for being mean to you. I am sorry for the way I acted during Gin and Harry's wedding. I shouldn’t have run away. I...panicked. I know it’s a poor excuse but it’s the truth.”

He frowns. 

”Why would you panic from dancing with me ?”   
Hermione felt her face burning. Malfoy’s eyes widened. 

”Don’t tell me...”  
”Malfoy.”

Her tone was menacing but he laughed. 

”You're attracted to me !”  
”Stop it. It's not funny.”  
”Oh it is.”   
”It is not.”

He smiled.

”Apology accepted.”  
”Thank you.”

Around them, the world disappeared. The noise was muffled. All she could see was grey eyes and a smile so soft she wanted to kiss the lips that harboured it. Her heart was beating so fast she was sure Malfoy could hear it. 

”How are you ?” 

She chuckled. 

”I am fine. Pretty good, actually.”  
”Yeah ?”  
”Yes. It's a daily battle. I still have anxiety and I probably will for the rest of my life. But I am learning to take care of myself and take care of my mental health. There are bad days but good days are becoming more and more frequent.”  
”I am glad. You look good. Healthier.”  
”Well, I started to eat again. Your food helped a lot.”

He nodded. 

”And I shower. It also helps.” She joked.   
”You smell better.”   
”No doubt about it. What about you ?”  
”I take showers too.” He says, laughing. Hermione grinned. She didn’t know this version of him. It was a strange sight, seeing him laugh and joke. He was always so serious and tensed around her and she was probably to blame for that. 

She really liked this new facet of him.

“What about your job at the Ministry ?”   
“I quit.” Malfoy said, matter-of-factly.   
“You what ?” she almost yelled. A few people turned around to see where the voice came from.

“You quit ? Why ?”  
“You haven't been the only one to question your life choices during this past year. I wasn’t very happy. I applied at this job because I was told I needed to make amends, to prove myself to the Wizarding world. And my dad had taught me that only politics were a good choice of career. But after our talk...  
“If you can call it that.”

He smiled and nodded. 

“Yes. After that, I began to question who I was and what I was doing with my life. I needed to figure out what I wanted. Not to please the world or you or anyone, but to please myself. To be happy for myself first. So I quit.“  
“Wow. I know it's not easy to stop doing what everybody expects of you and start doing what you love and be who you want to be. It takes courage and boldness. I am quite impressed.  
“Thank you.“  
“You could have been a Gryffindor.“  
“Don't be ridiculous.“

They laughed. The conversation was easier than she had expected it to be.

“So what do you do now ?“   
“I started Healer training four months ago.“   
“Oh. Healer, huh ?“   
“Yes. I’m good at potions and I still want to do something meaningful with my life.“   
“How is it going ?“   
“Very good. I’m the best student in my class.“   
“And the most arrogant too.“ 

He laughed. 

“You were always the best at school. Well, second best. After me.“   
“And you're the one talking about arrogance...“ Malfoy said.

They talked for hours. The sun was setting when they realised how long they have been talking. Draco, because he insisted she called him by his given name, was surprisingly very talkative once he was relaxed and confident enough. He talked about his training, his friendship with Luna who he called Lunatic in a fond way, with Harry that he still called Scarhead and his unexpected friendship with Ginny. 

“She is incredible on a broom. You should see her when she flies. It looks like she’s levitating. She’s such a natural. I go to all her Harpies matches and we have lunch every Wednesday to debrief about the Quidditch season. Harry finds it weird but she’s actually very easy to talk to, very intelligent and funny.“ 

Hermione smiled. She was not surprised Draco and Ginny had formed such a solid friendship. Ginny was...fire on legs. She could seduce anyone and make friends with anyone without even trying to. People liked her almost instantly. Unlike Ginny, Hermione was shy and quiet and her bossy kind of personality was making new friendships quite difficult. People close to her loved her, she knew that but she had not the particular talent to be fiery, funny and beautiful at the same time. During her teenage year, even though Ginny was her friend, Hermione had felt jealous at times and a bit self-conscious when Ginny was in the room. How to shine in the presence of the sun itself ? 

“You’re different.“ Draco stated.   
“What ?“  
“What I say about Ginny, it's not to make you feel like you’re less. You’re not. Harry and Ginny complement each other perfectly, they’re both very intense, very determined and a bit crazy too.“  
“And you’re not intense ?“ She arched a brow.   
“Oh I can be. I am less intense today than I used to be at school. Having a fucking crazy serial killer in my home for two years had made me more...quiet. And I crave for silence and safety and peace. People love Ginny because she makes them feel good. She’s funny and she knows how to spend a good time. But you, you’re different. You’re like a good book that we need to dive into in order to discover all its secrets and its beautiful story. You don’t easily let people in but I like that because when you do it means this person is special. I said I craved for peace and peace is what I feel when I am with you. And this is the best feeling in the world.“

Hermione was stunned. She could feel tears forming in the corner of her eyes. And she didn’t know what to say. Her mouth was hanging open but no sound was made. The witch met his eyes. A few hours ago, she didn’t know what she wanted but the answer to her question was now pretty clear.

“But the ultimate question is : will you let me, Draco Malfoy, in ?“ he finally said. 

And because she wouldn’t trust her voice completely, she could only whisper : 

“Yes“.


End file.
